Keep talking, I wont mind.

Christmas.
Staying at my family's home still has the uncanny ability to make me rest peacefully despite being on the floor, relax despite the noise level, and feel like a kid on Christmas despite being older now. The holiday was short this year, and didn't quite feel like it should. But it still allowed me to apply the brakes for just a minute. The nativity scene is Santa Claus. Intangible, distant, and essentially fake with its Utopian grandeur. A sometimes helpful reminder to those of us that believe, but a commodity to just about everyone else.
I celebrate a hope for humanity, a division of time among years of silence, a fulfillment of the longing and void in every person since the earliest of times. Perfect. I celebrate an example of how to walk this line, how to love, and how to approach God. Selfless. I celebrate a man who changed countless lives while present on this earth and otherwise. Unmatched. I celebrate a savior with the ability to save us from the one thing we as humanity cannot. Divine.
The nativity scene does nothing to remind me of the reasons I celebrate. Rather, I am reminded when I see glimpses of His example in others, or when I see Him in others.

New Years.
I never make "resolutions," but rather keep a list of things I want to accomplish. I could start by reading the stack of books that have waiting. I want to expand my mind and intellect continuously. Be a constant upward example to others in many facets of life. I would like to build and develop my relationships more intensely-especially those of a spiritual nature. I do not want to be mediocre in anything I do. Embrace Humility. Fight apathy.
I want to listen more.

I am not complaining. This is honesty.

Should you overlook small things for the larger picture? Or do the little things really kill?

I think its funny how people assume they have the perfectly right thing to say to you and once they present it in all of its false grandeur you look at them, then smile and nod.
Not exactly the reaction you desired, huh?
They think they have stumbled upon an earth shattering concept that will help you greatly, and its only something you've heard other countless times. Women (some) are notorious for doing this with me. They think they have you figured out completely, and respond based on what they THINK they know about you. I am not trying to sound arrogant or prideful...but I am not a typical guy, and I think the clones running around have ruined it for me.
People who have true epiphanies and things that genuinely encourage you or spark some realization, almost never have to draw attention to them. The words (or actions) fall almost in passing, and the impact is slow and profound.

Every time I think I have someone figured out, its usually because I've stopped paying attention. When you step back and truly listen, or truly pay attention, there are constantly new things to learn. I love learning about you.

This is not talking about one specific relationship, but rather all of them. Even with spirituality, if ever there was a time when I thought I had it figured out, or understood how God worked, He then proceeded to show me that I had no clue. This usually was not because He did something new or different, but usually because I actually stopped to listen to what he had to say to me and about me, instead of what I had to say about Him.

I wonder if I am as capable of my goals here as I would be somewhere else. Reverberating echoes of the word "No" follow keystrokes.

You Inspire me

You know you do, and you don't even have to try.





blursh

The need to dissociate

Here we go again
Another face to change the scene
Go ahead and melt away
They wont know what you mean

Smile
words
kiss
letters
taste

She pulls at your hand
It should feel right
Its far to comfortable
to let this die

Its a mess right now, but I wouldn't change a thing.

You're ever so inviting

I think the reason why I don't feel that I fit in with most of the Christian mentality is because I truly approach my relationship with God as just that. A relationship.

I don't follow a pattern or a formula for "Christian life," I don't use God to justify my beliefs on faith or politics and everything in between. I am not perfect.

It is a relationship. Prayers and conversations are sometimes fistfights and arguments. If you have ever been in a fight, you understand how much you learn about someone in a fight. Its a very intimate thing if you can turn off your traditional thinking of intimacy. He wins and I am fine with that. If it takes me getting squashed in order to know Him, then thats fine.

I will continue to approach the gospel as an invitation to know God through a flawed relationship. Because one of us is human.